Reverse Charisma and Worthy Love | TSS #104
Valentine's Day, ideas on social connection, and good quotes.
THE DAILY MUSING
Reverse Charisma:
[Massive, random rant incoming. Enjoy!]
Here’s a quick idea that I wanted to share and discuss.
Chris Williamson calls it ‘Reverse Charisma’.
Basically, he says that there are two types of Charismatic people:
After an interaction, Person 1 makes us feel like they are the most interesting person in the room.
They’re charming, engaging, filled with crazy stories to hook the audience.
This is considered ‘standard charisma’.
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Person 2, on the other hand, makes US feel like we’re the most interesting person in the room.
They are intrigued and dig into our perspectives, they engage with everyone through a curious and authentic frame, and they are totally okay with not being the star of the show.
Ironically, we end up LOVING those interactions and remember that person very fondly.
This is what Chris considers ‘Reverse Charisma’.
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It’s a super interesting concept in social interaction, and a skill that I want to cultivate in myself (in an authentic manner).
In a way, this is easier to accomplish than ‘standard charisma’— you don’t need all the hacks and stories to make yourself sound incredible, you don’t need to hold all of the attention by yourself, you don’t need to be juggling different threads of information.
You stay curious, keep your senses keen, and remove your ego.
Then you let the magic flow.
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But here’s the main thing I want to add to that.
How do I actually encourage people to show MORE of themselves in interactions, to share more of the REAL things that make them tick?
Not just the surface level bullshit, but the raw, unhindered embers that burn within.
And this line from Chris Williamson really stuck with me:
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“If [someone is] at home with their own strangeness, then they help us feel at home with ours. Where they have gone, we can follow.”
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I think this is the key — both to ‘standard charisma’ and ‘reverse charisma’.
To just show up fully, unafraid, owning your WHOLE self.
People can sense that ‘vibe’, that energy — not of total self-control (that’s very difficult), but of absolute self-knowledge.
It’s a very specific frame: you aren’t perfect and you haven’t got everything under control, but you really KNOW yourself — your weirdness, your unfair advantages, your deepest fears, your seething anger, EVERYTHING.
I think this vibe is extremely reassuring to other people.
They see maturity and openness in that self-knowledge.
They see someone who has ‘seen it all’, and who does not shy away — someone who will not judge nor run away from anything that is shared.
So they are more inclined to open up as well, to follow in their footsteps.
This is probably what it means to establish a ‘safe space’, a ‘good vibe’.
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And I want to work on that a lot more.
That’s such a powerful thing to provide for our fellow people.
What a privilege to be able to do that — to have such depth of self-knowledge that OTHERS AROUND YOU feel empowered to share their true selves too.
I want to do that.
I need to do that.
It’s my fucking duty.
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So, let’s be that person for someone else.
Let’s blend that with Reverse Charisma.
Let’s get to know ourselves SO DEEPLY that someone else feels inspired to lean into their own uniqueness.
Let’s be courageous enough to do the introspective work, to show how fucked we are, to see the scars and love anyways.
So that we may finally be free.
And we may inspire someone else to be free too.
Worthy Love:
[A small addition for Valentine’s Day. This was based on a note that I wrote to myself. I know some of you will love this, and others will want to claw their eyes out. Here it is anyway.]
Wow.
How good it feels to Love,
and be Loved.
To my younger self and everyone else — stick through it.
Hang in there for it.
For the right connection.
It’s all worth it.
All of the shit before.
The wait was worth it.
She was worth it.
WE were worth it.
I keep saying this to myself: ‘no matter what happens, this was worth it.’
Not the most romantic idea because it suggests the possibility of endings.
But that’s just the reality of these things.
Who knows what will happen, and whether we will stay on the same path?
Who knows what pains may await us for loving so deeply?
And yet it was STILL worth it.
All of it.
Always.
Every single fucking second.
THE WEEKLY HAUL
[Just a bunch of nice quotes for you.]
‘Love everyone and tell the Truth’ — Ram Dass
‘Opportunity handled well leads to more unexpected opportunities.’ — Jensen Huang
‘We howl into the storm. Lean in.’
‘Closed mouths don’t get fed.’
THE LIFE BOOST
Handwritten letters
Also in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here’s a super simple Life Boost: instead of getting a card from a store (which is still great), just write your own letters on a nice piece of paper.
Pretend like you’re from the 1700s or something. Write without holding back. This goes for birthdays, love letters, whatever. Everyone appreciates a proper handwritten letter, a throwback to the old days. Even do a silly poem.
Everything is so clean and easy in the digital world — something as flawed and basic as ink on paper is actually quite charming if done correctly.
The letter should be a little piece of YOU that you want to give to the recipient. Your character, your emotions, your considerations. Put yourself into it. That’s the whole point. Otherwise, why give a card/letter at all?
TIPS — Using premium paper (ideally 90gsm or higher), adding some accent colours (eg. red, gold), having little unique elements (like stamps or wax seals) really elevates the experience and makes it so much more fun for yourself as well.
THE CURRENT STACK
Podcasts:
11 Lessons From 900 Episodes - Alex Hormozi, Mark Manson & Winston Churchill
Jensen Huang — Founders Podcast #376
Done and done.
This was pretty rushed, but I’m not sorry.
Busy living life and thinking about the future.
See you soon.
Jack.